


Upside Down x Inside Out

by ZoldyckistheName



Category: Naruto
Genre: Friendship, Humour, M/M, Reincarnation, Reincarnation/OC!Sasuke, Romance, SI!Sasuke, Shounen-ai, Yaoi, slow burner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6301657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoldyckistheName/pseuds/ZoldyckistheName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My life was ordinary. No, seriously. I had two parents and a little sister. We lived in an average sized house on the outskirts of London and had an average income of money. Nothing out of the ordinary; we just lived. We got by. How I got a second chance at life was beyond me. But, let me tell you this. If I had any say in it, I wouldn't be a murderous shitty Uchiha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning of an unexpected end.

I gasped, head breaking through the wet surface as I shot up.

My legs furiously kicked under the waters surface as I desperately tried to keep myself afloat, hands frantically swinging at my sides to aid my legs.

"W-Where..?" I stuttered, lips blue as the words stumbled out. My dark eyes roamed the area, nothing but water coming into view as I did so and panic once again nestled itself into my heart.

"Ah. I was waiting for you to show up."

My head snapped towards where I thought the voice to have come from and my eyes widened in shock. "I-Itachi...?" I whispered.

He tilted his head with a small smile and nodded at me. "Hai. Hello there, Eloise-san."

My mouth lay agape at his presence before I coughed and spluttered, frantically spitting out the water that flowed into my mouth as I was once again reminded that I lay in a pool of water. "Uhm, hello..?" I asked, unsure of myself.

I slicked my wet hair back and away from my face and peered up at Itachi from his perch atop the water. _'Damn Ninja...'_

"I'm dead," he blurted out, looking down at me with a forlorn expression.

Wait. If he's dead then what am I doin-?

"I'm afraid to say that you're dead, too," he softly spoke, answering my unasked question.

"What the-?" I choked, water once again going in my mouth as it lay open in surprise. " _Seriously_?!" I coughed, eyes wrinkling at the taste of salt lingering in my mouth.

His lips tugged downwards and his eyebrows furrowed as he stared over the top of my head. "Seriously."

I pursed my lips as my eyebrows twitched in annoyance and my gaze went to the water. "Why am I in water..?" I asked, eyes rapidly blinking as I saw my body below the surface, the wet substance clear as day. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!" I shrieked, noticing my naked form. "WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!"

A smirk appeared on his lips and he tapped my forehead with his finger and I frowned at the prickling sensation.

"This is the rebirthing pool," he stated, hand dropping from my head and he lay it across his thigh. "Last time I checked, births didn't come with a set of clothes. Sorry, I did ask."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up a hand to stop me and loosely shook his head.

"-And before you ask, I'm here as a guide to your rebirth."

I blinked, disbelieving of his words before groaning. "Pool? It's a frickin' Ocean," I slurred, unimpressed and nervously bit my lip at not seeing a bottom nor any sign of containment. The water stretched on for miles- hell, I couldn't even see anything apart from the bloody thing!

"Why _you_?" I narrowed my eyes at him suspicion. "Why do I get Itachi-bloody-Uchiha and not your old run of the mill Steve?" I frowned, thinking just how impossible my situation is. "Are you even real? Or just a figment of my imagination..?" I said, eyes roaming his form to look for some sort of lie.

He just blankly blinked at me, not at all surprised at my reaction. He took a deep breath and brought his face closer to mine.

I did not blush. No, sir-ey.

"Well, Eloise," he droned, gaze piercing into my own as he let out a sigh of exhaustion. "If you must know, I wanted to meet the person who will be inhabiting the body of my younger brothers."

My body shut down at his words, arms and legs freezing up in their ministrations and I didn't even panic as I was swallowed whole by the water.

I did, however, let out a soundless shout as hands wound themselves around my, bare mind you, torso. "Oi!" I coughed, hands unwillingly laying against a chest. "I'm naked; don't touch me!" I cried out, wriggling against his chest.

He actually had the gall to look amused. "Are you?" He chuckled. "Why, I never noticed," he dryly snarked.

 _'Is it just me, or is this Itachi more... Sarcastic? Cynical? Than the original...'_ My wriggling promptly stopped and I glared up at him, highly unamused. "Let go," I blanched, on the edge of sneering at him as he chuckled at my embarrassment.

"Unless you want to go back into the water, I don't think that's a good idea," he mused with an up-tilt of his lips.

I cursed him under my breath and slumped in his grasp. "Asshole, I don't care," I sniffed, embarrassed beyond repair. My eyes suddenly lit up as I recognised the fabric adorning his person. "Hey!" I grinned, eyes twinkling with mirth as I stared at him. "Gimme your cloak," I demanded with glee.

"Hn.."

I rolled my eyes at him, grin still on my face. "Oh, come on!" I shouted. "Don't go all 'Uchiha' on my ass!" I cried, slapping a hand against his chest to emphaise my point. _'Oooh~! Nice muscles..'_ I inwardly giggled, unashamed blush on my cheeks as I gently curled my fingers into his chest.

"What are you doing?"

I froze like a deer in headlights and nervously laughed. "N-Nothing...?"

"Ok..." He eyed me warily before shaking his head in disbelief. "Would you mind if I shifted your position?"

I pursed my lips out of curiosity and wearily nodded. "... Alright..."

I rapidly blinked as he crouched down, me still in his arms and flinched as my feet and calves sunk back into the water. "Hey! What's the big idea?!" I shrieked, instantly curling up into his hold.

"Calm down, Eloise-san," he clipped and I tensed as I felt his hands slither under the back of my knees.

"Oh." My eyebrows raised in indignation and my mouth lay agape. "That makes sense," I mused as he suddenly straightened up and held me against his chest. "Why, Itachi!" I teasingly grinned, wiggling my fingers at him. "Where are you taking me~?" I almost cackled at his blank face.

"I am taking you to the soul-transfer centre."

My grin promptly dropped from my face as I took in his serious tone of voice. "You weren't joking about me stealin' Sasuke's body, were you?" I frowned. "Wait!" I spluttered, narrowing my eyes at him. "You didn't even answer any of my questions!"

He smirked at me and started walking. "What were they again...?"

My eye twitched at him and I crossed my arms. "Little bitch," I grunted, peering over his shoulder. "I asked, why you? And are you real or nah?"

He shifted his left arm so it lay on my shoulder blades as his hand wrapped around my bicep to keep me secure.

"Like I told you, I wanted to meet the person-"

"Who'll steal Sasuke's body, yada, yada, _yada_." I rolled my eyes at him repeating himself. "Yes, I know that bit. Ok, wait." I heavily sighed and tiredly rubbed my forehead. "Let me rephrase it; why me?"

He slowly stopped walking and frowned, a faraway look in his eyes. "You were who Sasuke should've been." He pursed his lips, eyes flickering down at me before his face became stoic once again. "All the small decisions, all the 'what ifs'.. You are a product of what he didn't do."

I blinked in confusion at him. "But, uhm... He's a fictional character and I'm... _not_." I bit my lip. "How does _that_ work?"

He hummed in response and loosely shook his head as the slither of light in his eyes dimmed. "For every Universe, there is an alternate one; a mirrored version, perhaps."

I slowly nodded at his explanation, not voicing my blooming confusion lest he stop.

"Sasuke's big decisions became your minor decisions and your minor decisions became his big decisions."

I looked at him strangely and snorted. "So, what. When I wondered what I was gonna have on my toast, Sasuke was shitting himself?" I almost laughed at the mental image.

Itachi shook his head and I pouted in disappointment.

"No. Obviously the decisions have been altered-"

I snorted.

"-to fit the 'theme' of said Universe." He sighed and shifted his hold on me. "So, when you were deciding whether or not you wanted to go to University, Sasuke went to the Ninja Academny while you did not. And when you wanted to move out and didn't, Sasuke left the village. When you-"

"I get it!" I cried out, brain swirling in confusion. "It still doesn't explain why I'm getting reborn... Like, why aren't I, ya' know, dead? As in, dead, no soul or any other freaky shit."

"You died when you should not have. Sasuke made a decision opposite to the one the Universe had predicted."

I inwardly groaned and dragged a hand down my face. "But you said his big decisions became minor ones for me, right? How could it have caused me to die?"

He peered down at me and slowly blinked. "It threw the balance off kilter, but you don't need to worry about it."

I tiredly sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I still don't understand why I'm being reborn or how it's even possible," I mumbled.

"I told you not to worry about it."

I let out a shout as he once again stabbed my forehead with his finger and scrunched my nose up at the weird sensation. "Can you not?"

He quietly chuckled at me. "I can, but I'm not going to."

I tut at him before my eyes suddenly widened in realisation. "How are you holding me up if- oh." I stopped halfway in my sentence as I noticed I stood on land. "When did-?"

"I'll explain more once we go inside," he hummed, shuffling me towards the glass door. "After you." He held the door open for me and I curiously walked in.

"WHAT IS THIS?! A NUDIST GET TOGETHER?!" I shrieked, not at all expecting the place to be riddled with naked human beings. "My eyes! They bur- GRANDMA?!" I dropped to my knees in dispair at the image before me. "Why are you even here?!" I sniffed. "You died like forty years ago!"

She cackled at me and slapped me on my back. "That I did, dearie!" She cheerily agreed. "Apparently, I'm too good of a soul to just 'stay dead'," she mused.

I rolled my eyes at her statement and slowly stood up, not once meeting her gaze. "Ok, Gran." I slapped Itachi on his arm. "You can give me that cloak now," I stated, not liking the bareness. "I am not comfortable."

"There's no point, you'll be going soon," Itachi mused.

I looked at him bewilderedly. "Where-? Oh, right. Sasuke."

"Sasuke?" My grandma mumbled. "Where have I heard that name bef- AH HA!" She gasped, snapping her fingers as she realised something.

"What?" I skeptically asked, squinting my eyes at her as I wobbly stood up. "Gran, why are you lookin' at Itachi like that...?"

She had a faraway look in her eyes and I frowned in concern. "Gra-"

"Oh! Sorry!" She jumped. "I got a little lost in my memories!"

I snapped my mouth shut. "Are you sure you're ok-"

"I was his Mother two lifetimes ago!" She cackled, eyes twinkling with mirth. "Oh how I loved him and Itachi," she sighed with a loose shake of her head. "Oops!" She giggled. "Can't forget about Fugaku, now can we~?"

I groaned at her batting her eyelashes. "Gran, no." I shakily shook my head as Itachi to a step to the side and behind me. "Just- no."

I felt a tap on my shoulder and blinked.

"We have to go now, Eloise-san."

"Hai, hai," I drawled, swatting his pesky hand off of me. "I gotcha'." I winked. "Gran, we gotta go! I'll see ya' later or something!" I waved at her as I started to walk off, stumbling as Itachi dragged me by my elbow.

"Ok! Bye, Elle-belle!" She called after me, blowing a kiss.

I choked on my spit at the name. "What the hell?!"

* * *

  **うちはサスケ**

* * *

"So I guess this is goodbye?"

He chuckled at my joke and ruffled my hair. "Yes; I'm afraid it is," he solemnly answered, eyes staring into my sou-

Shit. That has more truth to it than I thought.

I pat his hand that was atop my head and slowly curled my fingers around his wrist. "Don't worry, Itachi." I grinned. "I'll take good care of Sasuke." I laughed at his flabbergasted expression and lifted his hand off of my head. "What," I blanched, rolling my eyes at his obviousness. "You thought I didn't know that was what you were gonna say next?"

"I-," He stuttered, lowering his arm and clenching his fists at his side. "I know you will," he whispered. "Just- _please_ don't wreck too much havoc, ne?"

I burst out laughing and took a step back and swiftly turned around to face the black void. "No promises~"

* * *

  **うちはサスケ**

* * *

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Oh my god!"

"Are you ok, Sasuke-kun?!"

**"NA-RU-TO!"**

I promptly opened my eyes, only to be met with bright blue ones. _'You're shitting me!'_ I mentally cried out.

"T-Teme!" He spluttered out, scrambling down off of the desk.

"Uh..." I cleverly replied, dozily standing up from where I was sitting. " _Naruto_?"

"... Yeah?" He meekly replied, eyes flickering around him as he noticed the girls surrounding us. "What do ya' want, Teme?!" He suddenly shouted.

I frantically blinked at the crowd hovering around me- us- and slowly sat back down, folding my hands in front of my face as to hide my blush. _'Crapping crap.'_

"Sasuke-kun?" A meek voice spoke up, their pink hair instantly catching my eyes. "Are you ok?"

I looked at her from the corner of my eyes and my mouth dropped open in shock before I snapped it shut and slammed my head down on the desk as I figured out _what_ just happened and why the _bloody_ hell Naruto looked so god _damn_ embarrassed.

"Shit!" I swore under my breath. _'Itachi, you screwed up the timeline!'_


	2. How to completely slaughter your Character's image.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh.... Team introductions....?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for updating so late, I kinda got distracted woah ok 2 months.... I'm loving these comments omg...

It... was surprisingly comforting to find out that all your actions- your thoughts and _deliberate_ actions, would give such fruitful and accomplished outcomes.... And it was as he lay there, one arm gone and profusely bleeding, did he truly appreciate the second life he was given.

"I'm glad," he whispered, eyes slowly gathering water as he was overwhelmed with emotions. "I'm so glad." His eyes unwillingly closed as the tears streaked down his cheeks and he smiled in contempt at the stuttering of his heart, eyes squeezing even tighter shut as he grinned at the absolute joy blooming in his chest and tried to stop the relentless flow of tears.

"Oi! Teme!"

The angry shout caused him to bark out a laugh and turned his head towards their voice. "What do you want, Dobe?" His grin gave away his amusement as he tried to glare at the boy clad in orange beside him.

"What do you think you're doing?!" He furiously shrieked, chest heaving as he pushed himself up.

"What are you talking about?" The darker haired boy replied, face scrunching up incredulously at the shout.

"You can't die!" The other replied, crystalline blue eyes glistening with unshed tears as he stared down at his bleeding form. "You just...  _can't_!"

He shook his head forlornly, suddenly feeling tired and his heart dropped as he felt his eyelids close on their own. "And why's that?" He slurred, neck going limp as his head lolled to the side.

"Because I lo-

He let out a gasp and tore his head off of the desk, blinking as the image ran repeatedly through his head. _'The hell?'_

"Nice of you to finally join us."

He owlishly stared at the brown desk, wondering how in the hell it was able to speak- _Actually_... Thinking about that again, it was probably the guy with grey hair who stood slanted against the door-frame.

 _'Oh. That makes more sense,'_ The boy mused, pursing his lips as he mentally shook off the dream- or whatever the hell that was.

"Who are you?" He asked, skeptically looking at the man, despite fully well knowing who he was before he could even answer.

"I'm your Jounin instructor for the rest of eternity," the man replied, languidly pushing himself off of the door-frame. "Right!" He clapped. "Now that sleeping beauty's awake, I'll meet you all on the roof." And he was gone.

.

.

"Actually..."

Oh, _look_. He's back.

"My first impression of you guys is...." It was a total of exactly six seconds that passed by with his head still sticking in through the door before he spoke up again. "I don't like you."

Naruto made some sort of enraged gurgle. "WHO CARES?!"

And, honestly, it was only when he said that, that Sasuke noticed his powder covered form.

He snorted as he saw what was he deemed to be a pout under Kakashi's mask as he slid the door shut.

That.... was pretty anticlimactic.... and not in the Manga. Or Anime, as a matter of fact. (Even if it does like to go off in a different direction than the Manga sometimes.)

Also.

Pretty sure Sasuke didn't take the stairs, either.

Ok. Maybe he did. But did he take them _two at a time_?

Just think about it.

 

* * *

  **•うちはサスケ•**

* * *

 

"So! Introductions!"

All three children blinked up at their Jounin instructor, a bit stumped for thought at his dramatic yet lazy appearance.

I mean, who walks around with grey-anti-gravity-defying-hair (I know. Overused description) and one of his eyes covered as if he were a bloody pirate from the Caribbean?

Ok. That last thought (and pun) was only... Well, _thought_ , by our resident- last, begrudgingly- Uchiha.

The dark-haired boys lips quirked upwards in amusement at what was to come and pointedly looked at the ground to hide his twinkling eyes. "This is not going to end well," he mumbled, deflating in his seat on the grey stone. _'Besides, my ass is already numb.'_

He loosely shook his head to get rid of his bizarre thoughts and narrowed his eyes in suspicion at their Sensei pointing an accusing finger at the one and only pariah of Konoha.

"You- with the blonde hair and loud mouth," he droned, wiggling his pointer finger in his direction. "You first."

The boy glared at their Sensei's description of him and leaped to his feet. "M-My name's Naruto Uzumaki, 'ttebayo!" He accidentally stuttered, and Sasuke didn't miss the way his blue eyes flickered towards a certain pinkette.

His cheeks flushed for a moment before he cleared his throat and continued, "I like Ramen-"

Sasuke interrupted him with a snort and lightly rolled his eyes. "I know," he slurred, shooting him an unimpressed glance. "It's hard not to."

The blonde boy's mouth dropped open in shock and he shoved a shaking finger in the darker haired boys face. "What?!" He yelped, bewilderingly blinking at the Uchiha boy.

The boy in question shot him a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows, taking pleasure in the way he cringed back. "I always see you guzzling it down like there's no tomorrow." He snorted in amusement, piercing the boy with his scrutinising gaze. "Not to mention the stains all over your clothes," he said, making a point by looking him up and down.

"T-.... _TEMEEEEEE_!"

Ah. There's the nickname he know and loved. (Sarcasm. Don't you just _love_ it?)

 

* * *

  **•うちはサスケ•**

* * *

 

His shoulders slowly deflated, and he threw his head back to depressingly stare up at the white fluffy clouds. "What is my life..?" He sighed.

"A-Ano, Sensei?" She whispered, twirling a strand of her pink hair as she abashedly looked up at him. "Shouldn't we stop them?"

He blinked down at the sudden flash of pink that had appeared out of the corner of his eye, and lazily picked his ear as he took a glance at the tumbling pair. ".... _Naaaah_ ," he drawled, taking his finger out from his ear to wave a nonchalant hand at her worrying. "They'll stop..." He trailed off, shooting her an amused tilt of his head. "Eventually."

She gaped up at him and frowned in disbelief before sitting back down in resignation. "R-.. _Right_." She sweat-dropped at his answer and turned her gaze back to the fighting pair.

The paler one of the two avoided the tanned ones gaze and looked up at the sky as his head shook back and forth from the grip on his collar that the blonde one had.

" _Hey_! Are you even listening to me, Teme?!"

".... Not _really_ , no."

"BAKASUKE!!!!"

'Bakasuke' frantically blinked at him and grabbed the wrist that relentlessly shook him. "What did you just say?" He narrowed his eyes at him and tightened his grip. " _Naruto_!" He shouted, snapping the boy out of his stupor.

"B-... _Bakasuke_!"

Shit. That's new.

"Hn." He let go of his wrist and pointedly looked at him. "You can put me down now, Narutoad," he said, looking behind him and at their highly amused Sensei. _'Why am I not surprised he didn't even try to he-'_

"WHY WOULD I LET YOU GO AFTER YOU SAY THAT, HUH?!"

His eyebrows furrowed on their own accord and he gave a sharp nod, silently applauding him for his solid reasoning. "Hn. Good point," he replied, blankly blinking at the boy. "I'll just make you, then."  
.  
.  
.  
".... What are you doing?"

He paused in his ministrations and pursed his lips. "Are you not ticklish?"

"No..?"

"Huh."

...

Kakashi raised a thin eyebrow at their actions, almost smirking as he stared down at his third cute little student. " _See?_ What did I tell you."

She nervously laughed and shuffled just that bit further away from their Sensei. "Y-Yeah.." She drawled, skeptically looking at him. _**CHA! This Sensei is weird!**_

Well said, Inner, well said.

...

"If you've finished having your little lover's quarrel-"

Naruto interrupted with a splutter and dramatic shout. "As if!" He screeched, the very mental image already scarring him for life.

Kakashi promptly ignored him. "I would very much like to carry on with the introductions." He shifted his stance lent against the mental fence and folded his arms with a dramatic sigh. "As much as it pains me to say.... Naruto, please pick up where you left off."

Said boy grinned and shuffled in his seat. "I like Ramen-" he paused to glare at Sasuke as if daring him to speak up. "Especially the one at Ichiraku's! Oh! I really like it when Iruka-sensei gets it for me!.... Eto... But I dislike the three minutes it takes to cook! My hobbies are eating ramen and pranking, maybe gardening? Uhm.. My dream is to be Hokage, 'ttebayo!" He finished with a loud cheer.

Kakashi hummed at his intro and pointedly stared at the only female in the group.

"M-My name's Sakura Haruno and what I like- I mean, who I like is... i-is.." She stuttered, nervously glancing at Sasuke and biting her lip. "My dream for the future is-!" She cut off her own sentence to cover he mouth as she squealed and shamelessly blushed.

He honestly felt like shrivelling up and dying.... Again. Especially if it meant escaping her fangirl-ness.

Thankfully, Kakashi noticed his green face of discomfort, and, although it highly amused him, her antics annoyed him, as much as it made Sasuke pull some pretty funny faces.

"What about dislikes?" He suggested, inwardly chuckling at the breath of relief Sasuke gave.

" _NARUTO_!" She roared, passionately holding up a clenched fist.

Sasuke inwardly sweat-dropped at her instant reply and looked at a withered Naruto. _'Oi, oi. Isn't her character a bit harsh?!'_

His heart cracked a bit at his depressed form and he lamely pat him on the back, just the once, and flinched when Naruto looked up at him with wide, watery, blue eyes and sniffled.

 _'The hell even?'_ He flabbergasted looked at him before quickly shaking his head and sighing.

"Sasuke, if you could do the honours," Kakashi said, expectantly looking at him.

Sasuke composed himself and closed his eyes. "Hn." He lent his elbows on his knees and folded his hands and put them in front of his lips. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha," he droned, opening his eyes and blankly staring at nothing. "I like tomato- _nope_. I can't do this, sorry." He quickly stood up and turned away from the group, holding a hand up to his mouth, cheeks flushed and puffed out as his shoulders gently shook with poorly contained laughter.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"I, _uhm_..." A breath left his nostrils and he wuickly smacked a hand over his nose. "I'm fin- _pfft_!"

There was an awkward, stuttered silence that was soon broken by a certain grey-haired fellow.

"... Ok." He sweat dropped at his students out-of-character behaviour, scratched his head, and smiled his closed eyed smile. "Now that we've got the introductions over and done with-"

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT YOU?!"

Kakashi just raised an eyebrow at his shout. " _Me_?"

"Yeah!" Naruto shout with a frantic nod of his head. "You!"

The Jounin sighed and crossed his arms. "Alright," he agreed. "My name's Kakashi Hatake," he stated, "I like reading... among other things. My hobbies are..." He lent forward and smirked as they did as well in anticipation. "Reading-"

" _BOOOORIIIIING_!" Naruto howled, standing up as he booed.

Sakura was conflicted beyond belief. Did she hit Naruto and tell him to shut up, getting on her Sensei's good side? But by doing so would stop Sasuke's snickering....

"SHUT UP, NARUTO!"

 _Well, then_.

Kakashi just shook his head and quickly searched his brain for where he left off. "..... Among a load of other things that I can't be bothered to list. I dislike, hmm, loud people, I guess? My dream for the future.... Is none of your business."

Sakura blinked bewilderedly. "Uhhh...."

"What the hell was that, 'bayo?!"

Sasuke blanched and gave him a rather dead look. "Is that it?"

Kakashi held his hands up in mock surrender. " _Hey_ , now. I said more than you."

The darker haired boy tut and scowled at the truth behind his words. "Hn," he grunted, "All I was going to say, was that I like tomatoes and training." He unconsciously shivered as he said 'training' because that was complete bullshit. (Surprisingly, in his previous life, he did, in fact, like tomatoes.)

"Tomatoes?! _Ew_!"

Everyone promptly chose to ignore Naruto's outburst.... Including Sasuke himself as he continued.

"My dislikes are fangirls, annoying people and Danz- _go_. Dango," he emphasised, sweat dripping down the side of his face at the near slip up. "And my dream-" he snorted, "My goal, is to revive my clan and kill a c-certain someone." Could he, like, maybe not, like, laugh every five minutes?!

His intro earned him a few weird looks from the rest of his team but he paid them no mind and picked at his blunt nails.

Kakashi sighed. "Well. I guess I better tell you about your test, then, ne?"

There was a collective silence before a sudden screech broke it.

"WHAT?!"

"S-Sensei, I thought we already....?"

He waved a blasé hand at their shock. "Sa, that was the Academy's test; this is mine," he droned. "Besides, your graduation only narrows down those who are _capable_ of becoming Ninja- it isn't a certainty."

Sasuke snorted behind his hand and narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "So what's this shitty little test then, hm?" He asked, even though he knew exactly what it was. He supposed he asked to make sure nothing major had changed.

"Mah, mah, Sasuke-chan. No need for such language," Kakashi sighed, receiving a sharp look from said boy. "It's a simple survival test... Though, it does only have a, ah.." he paused to scratch his cheek with his forefinger. ".. _Really_ low pass rate." He shrugged.

"I'LL PASS IT NO PROBLEM, 'TTEBAYO!"

Sasuke quietly grumbled under his breath, slumped his shoulders and lent his chin on the back of his hand. "When is it?" He made a sort of strangled noise at the back of his throat at his own question, and a disturbing image of Kakashi's fingers jabbing into Naruto's ass seemed to appear in his head. _'Oh, god usopp, hear my prayers. Let me survive that scene.'_

Kakashi just gave his infamous crescent eyed smile, as if he didn't have their deaths in his mind. "Hm. Tomorrow at five o'clock. Training ground seven," he answered, sharp glint in his eye. "Oh, and do remember not to eat...." He trailed off, atmosphere taking on an ominous tone as he let the silence eat away at them. "Lest you throw it back up."

A shriek sounded from his left and he narrowed his eyes at the blonde.

Naruto, obviously not getting the memo, continued to shout nuisance about ramen and whatnot. It was only when Sasuke slammed his fist down atop his head that he stopped his whining and bitching about not being able to eat.

Sasuke just sighed in relief at his quietening and locked eyes with Kakashi. "Great. Yes. Fabulous," he commented, "Can I go now? I think I left my washing out."

 

* * *

**•うちはサスケ•**

* * *

 

"You pass!"

I continued to shove the rest of the riceball into Naruto's mouth, completely ignoring Kakashi's sudden presence and turned towards Sakura. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?" I dryly spoke, inclining my head towards the sky and inwardly snickering at her reddening face.

"H-Hai!" She readily agreed with a sweat-drop and she awkwardly shuffled in her seat on the grass. "Ano, Sasuke-kun, I don't think you should ignore-"

"How very right you are, Sakura!" I gasped as I dramatically interrupted her. "Poor Naruto is still tied up!" I made a point of looking Kakashi straight in the eyes as I slowly reached into my weapons pouch and drew a Kunai.

 _'That's right, you asshat,'_ I mentally hissed, smirk appearing on my lips as I easily sliced through the rope. _'This is what you get for using that shitty headhunter jutsu.'_

....

"Sa, not gonna attack me?"

I quickly stood up from my place behind a bush and smothered any type of amusement from my face and coughed to clear the laughter from my throat. "N-Nah." I winced at the crack in my voice and promptly looked away from him in embarrassment. _'Shitty hormones and shit.'_

I heard him hum in acknowledgment before I also heard the faint flicking of a page.

 _'Nooo,'_ I thought, fingers twitching. _'He couldn't be, could he?'_ I thought, pinning him with a sharp look. _'THE DARING ASSHOLE!'_ I howled, trying not to burst out in laughter as he stood there so relaxed and read his porno.

"Something funny?"

I sucked in a breath and took a weary step back. "Uh, n-no?" My lips downturned at my stutter and my face shifted into a frumpy frown. "I'll just be going now," I slowly spoke, holding my hands up in a surrender as I quickly looked over my shoulder to make sure I didn't trip over a tree root or some branch as I walked backwards.

".... Shit." I only realised my mistake when my head snapped back to where Kakashi previously stood. The problem being _previously_.

"Lesson number...." He paused to tap his chin and I inwardly whimpered as he lay a hand on my head. "What number was I on again, _Sasuke_?"

The way he said my name had me curling in on myself and I tried to lean away from him and wiggle out of his grasp. "F-Four!" I yelped.

"Ah, yes," he hummed, voice suddenly echoing throughout the forest as the pressure atop my head disappeared and fingers instead wrapped around my ankles. "Lesson number four."

Was it raining? Ah. Ok. Just my tears, then.

"Never turn your back on your opponent."

I let out a choked sob as I felt the grainy texture wiggle its way inside my pants and in places it should not be, and whimpered as I, _very_ manly of me, if I say so myself, bawled my eyes out.

....

"Still ignoring me?"

I dropped the soap. No, I _literally did._

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I squawked, sliding around on the floor as I rudely pointed an accusing finger at him. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A PERVERT, BUT, APPARENTLY, YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE TOO!" I frantically yanked at a towel hanging on a wall somewhere and quickly wrapped it around my lower half.

"Ma, ma. We're both men here, Sasu-"

I cut him off with a choked gurgle and hazardously waved my arms about. " _BOY_! I AM A BOY! A _CHILD_ OF TWELVE YEARS!" I cried out, clutching my wet, inky hair in dismay.

"Yes. And I'm a man," he chuckled, raising a thin eyebrow at me as he shifted his footing on top of my steaming bath. "Do you want me to prove it to you?"

"Ok," I agreed, scratching my head with a smirk as I purposely dragged my eyes up and down his figure, smirk suddenly turning into a lecherous grin. "That would be absolutely fantastic and _hella_ sexy, but no, thanks."

"... Right."

The way his left foot dipped into the bath water clearly showed his shock at my words.

 _'Not the answer you were expecting, Bakashi?'_ I evilly grinned at his sweat-dropping form, and I quickly muffled my giggling because Sasuke doesn't giggle, but the sharp look he sent me told me he had heard the noise.

I lowered my hands and awkwardly cleared my throat. "Can you, maybe, like, _leave_...?" I shooed, hand gesture and all.

He gave me his signature crescent mooned smile and gave me a salute. "Hai, hai~"

I am very, _very_ sure the amount of smoke that filled my bathroom was very, _very_ unnecessary.

"GOD DAMN IT!" I howled, coughing and spluttering as I waved my hand about to clear the smoke. "WHY DOES IT STINK OF SHIT?!" I cried out, tears stinging and gathering at the corner of my eyes as I slipped about the bathroom frantically trying to escape the retched room. "THAT'S NOT NATURAL!"


End file.
